For the first month after getting into med I would wander around the house telling family members this. It was just so unbelievably good- it had to be said out loud (again and again). My poor family!
It's still so hard to believe. I even have a fear that a letter will arrive in the mail saying that it was all a horrible mistake and that I was not offered a place after all. This is silly.
Ignoring this stupid fear I'm going to focus on what sort of doctor I want to be and how I'm going to get there.
This was all put into focus with my Granny dying on Christmas eve. It is incredibly sad- but long expected. What touched me about Granny was that she was the best granny possible. Throughout my childhood I knew that she loved and delighted in me. Many others would say the same about her. She loved in word and deed. Always she was telling me that she loved me. She also took me to movies, left a fredo on my pillow when I slept over, hugged me and knitted and wove me blankets and toys.
A bit before her death I wrote my own Eulogy (pretending it was 50 or so years into the future). It was interesting to see what really mattered. For instance the following is ridiculous!
..... was a stunning girl who never went above a size 8 her whole life. Her sense of fashion was impeccable. She had hundreds of friends and everyone admired her. ..... was very wealthy and she was renown for being a great doctor.
Seriously what a waste! More than anything it is the heart that matters. I too want to be remembered as someone who loved and loved well consistently over a lifetime. I don't mean that I will be obese and frumpy and hug everyone while smiling inanely.
This is how I want to be remembered:
1. A person who made time for people, who was generous, who encouraged people to be the best they could be, who was faithful and loyal and consistent.
2. A dedicated doctor, who was excellent in their field and used it to serve those who otherwise would not receive the best standard of care available in the world. Who also valued teaching and passing on skills patiently to others.
3. Someone who had a quirky sense of humour and loved life.
So.... how can this be achieved? Can it? YES.
Firstly med is going to be HARD and BUSY. I will have to be focussed. I choose to focus on:
1. Being a good student with a thorough knowledge of anatomy and physiology and practical skills and problem solving. This will require regular revision and a lot of time (even my evenings and weekends).
2. Being healthy. I had the flu last year- I never knew it was possible to be so ill for so long. At one point I even hallucinated and thought I was a building with broken plumbing! This must not happen again. I will eat lots of fruit and vegetables and meat. I will have a good routine for sleep. I will take Sundays off, just to rest and let my mind relax. I will build up my running until I can run for 30 minutes every day. I will knit to have good fine motor skills. I will buy a basket ball and practise shooting and catching to improve my sense of my position in space. (Excellent surgical skills are nothing if I then accidentally knock the patient off the bed). I will keep away from sick people (except when on placement). I will wash my hands incessantly.
3. Friends. I will build up friendships in WA. I will also keep in contact with all my SA and overseas people. For this I have begun collecting addresses, cards and stamps. Sunday afternoons will be spent lying in a park sipping coffee and writing letters.
4. I will remember daily, with thankfulness, how I got into med.
I will need all the help I can get. If I every begin walking away from who I want to be- please tell me with a hug and a laugh.
Now I will go and make the most of my last few days before I leave SA, perhaps forever. :)
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