Just keep breathing.

I want to talk a little about trying to 'fit in'. Basically I am not outrageously different, but all my life I've quietly gone and done exactly what I want to do.   That was until I've hit med- or it hit me! This approach is SO much harder in med. Let me describe the people in med. Everyone is ridiculously good-looking, skinny/ buff, well dressed, intelligent and LOUD. Of course this is an exaggeration, but this is what it feels like. Last weekend we had PBL games. This is where as tute groups we compete in our own version of the Olympics- with some awesome costumes chucked in. I LOVE this kind of thing, but I NEED time each week to just hide in my own little cave. Otherwise I become a crazy person (grumpy, teary, paranoid, worn out etc). Med being med, there is little time for this sort of thing. I knew that the PBL time would be the only time available for this.

Yet I was unable to tell my PBL this. I paid the money, I said I was going, I helped make costumes and when the time came I simply didn't turn up. I hate this. In the past I'd just say that I'm not going and not care. Yet in med I couldn't. Could you say 'no' when crammed into a tiny room of people all facing you expecting you to go? For the first time I realised what it must be like for a patient when they don't agree with the doctor. Are they going to say something, do what the doctor says anyway, or just like me- quietly (without telling the doctor) not take the treatment prescribed (or worse still take left over  medication from home)?

I wonder if just how I feel completely overwhelmed by the greatness of my med peers, my future patients will feel overwhelmed by me? Somehow I need to create a safe environment where they can discuss their concerns and yet I as the doctor don't stoop too far and bend to their every whim.

I have made a deliberate decision to fall and remain in love with med. This is one of the key reasons I write this blog and focus on what has captured my imagination during the week. I was warned that med will wear me down and somehow I had to keep the joy of med. What a tragedy for a 'dream come true' to become a 'never ending nightmare' of hard slog! This being said I am so thankful that I have friends to make me stop (when I feel like I don't need to) and eat cake and savour other good things and even discuss the sucky things about med. Focussing on the good of med can't be done without acknowledging the hard stuff. So here's my brief sentence on why I don't like med: I hate how people from back home are contacting me less and less, I hate it that I don't have time to go on long bushwalks, I hate it that it makes me an idiot (med brain is 1000 times worse than baby brain), I hate it that I never know enough no matter how hard I study and most of all I hate it that med is like sprinting through a marathon (the whole way).

Okay enough of that negativity- this week a dream came true. Back in primary school I remember a boy telling me that his sister go to blow up lungs during science. All through primary school and then high school and finally OT I waited for this to happen. The closest I got was cutting up a cow's eye. FINALLY on Monday we got to play with a pluck (imaging ripping out all the gut through the mouth) of a pig. Gas was pumped into the trachea and the lung filled up. The lungs were so slimy and soft and.... beautiful. The colour of the fresh pig was so much more vibrant than our old cadavers.

Looking at the title you've probably guessed that this week we studied the respiratory system. This is probably basic stuff, but maybe you'll enjoy it. The throat has a mucus layer with cilia (like lots of fingers pushing in the same direction). This is called the mucus escalator. If germs get into your throat the cilia slowly push the germs towards the mouth so that they can be swallowed and killed by the stomach. Awesome hey? When this part become infected the doctor (and your body) tells you to rest. Why? To stop it spreading downwards (eg breathing deeply with running around), especially into the lungs (there aren't as many germ killing agents down there). Also bacterial infections can follow viruses because the virus can destroy some of the mucus protective layer- allowing the normal flora/ or other germs (I described this in my last post) to get deeper into the body.

Finally let me talk a little about antibiotics. Some kill specific germs and others (broad spectrum) kill all germs including normal flora. If you don't finish a course then you'll only have killed off the weaker germs and left the more hardier ones to continue multiplying and attacking you. DON'T DO THIS. If you don't take the right one, you may kill off the good normal flora and not even touch the germ, which will leave room for a bad pathogen to take over. DON'T DO THIS EITHER.

Last week two friends read my blog and told me off for not eating lots of red meat as I had promised in earlier posts. So I went home and cooked steak. I call it a dad meal. When dad cooks it is basically always meat based with way too much salad. Some potatoes were added in honour of mum who loves them because of her Irish heritage.

So I'll leave you with a photo of my giant, yummy meal.