twilight zone

Guess what sort of person I am. Do I love going with the flow, taking life as it comes, or do I thrive on order and planning?

As a little girl dad remembers me enjoying making sure all the pink plastic cups and saucers precisely lined up with my little table. This was more important to me than the actual tea party game.

This is still somewhat the case, which is a shame. Order should serve a goal of being and doing wonderful/ or boring but needed things. It should not be the goal.

I wonder if this is why I am finding this final holiday before the onslaught of med so difficult. I feel more tired and stressed than when I was working!

The key issue is that there are so many unknowns about next year. I want my questions answered. Then I can plan and have everything settled. Perhaps then I could relax. However I have an inkling that once everything is set in stone, I'll focus on what things to bring with me, how to budget for med, etc etc.

This temperament is a real asset for getting ready for med, but it is so annoying with holidays.

So from now on I'm letting go (apart from checking up on vaccinations and my GP sign off for med). I am DECIDING TO REST. I am resting so that I am at my optimal to study med and become a great doctor.

I'll rest by watching House, by knitting, by bush walking, by cooking, by sipping coffee and watch the kookaburras that love my gate, by reading and by sleeping in.

Within this resting I'll say goodbye. I'll have final coffees with friends, I'll have my 'dress up as your favourite medical condition party', I'll wear my 'heaps good' tee shirt with a map of SA on it. So far I have visited the pandas at the zoo, been in a hot air balloon ride over the Murray river and gone to Haighs. What a joy to finally realise  that I love sleepy Adelaide!

Once an OT, always an OT

A while back I didn't get into med. Needless to say I was pretty upset.

Being very practical I chose to study..... electrical engineering. Guess you didn't see that coming! I love maths, I LOVE physics and I love the potential of engineering. One lecturer said that engineers have saved more lives than medicine ever will. I guess with the inventions of sewers etc, this is true.

Unfortunately all these practical reasons did not convince my heart. After three weeks I dropped out. My heart demanded me to follow my passion for working with people and blood and guts. I tossed up between occupational therapy and psychology. OT won out because I figured that even if I never worked as an OT it would teach me skills that would be an asset to life in general.

Studying OT turned out to be one of the best decisions of my life.  I'm now heading in to my very last week of working as an OT. I want to reflect on the profession's incredibleness as a way of saying 'thank-you' and holding onto all that I have learnt.


This is the quote at the beginning of my core OT text 'The tools of our minds and the tools of our hands are of meaningless use without deep and personal reasons of the heart to set their purpose and guide their use' (Paul Brockelman). Basically that is OT. An OT comes alongside someone or a group and 'enables' them to integrate their minds, physical abilities and hearts to perform a task that is deeply meaningful to them. How beautiful, how wonderful, how simple.

Of course my OT friends would also joke that we should be called occupational thorough-pests, or that we have a degree in common sense.  Still simplicity should by no means remove some of its worth.

Personally this it was OT has done for me:

• I desperately needed to increase my motor skills to even consider being a surgeon. I took up the 'occupation' of knitting and crocheting and my motor  skills have improved out of sight. I also now have made some lovely blankets and a rather hideous jumper. 
• I wanted to save up for Europe, get fit and have time to reflect. Using the PEO model I worked that that if I stopped catching the bus and got up just a little earlier I could walk the 5ks and achieve all three.
• It's taught me the importance of occupational balance. There is such freedom in this! Everyone needs time to achieve, to exercise, to eat, to sleep, to just be and to have fun and good friendships.
• It's taught me that most people who tell you something secret and dear to them are not after advice. They simply want a witness, someone to listen. 
• The list goes on and on including words such as: enable, facilitate, just right challenge, counselling, observing, listening, teaching, empathy, creativity, lateral thinking, running groups...

OT THANK YOU!!!! YOU SHALL MAKE ME A MUCH RICHER-ROUNDED DOCTOR:)

A love letter to all that has been

The dream finally comes true

Imagine that your most treasured dream has finally come true. You know that sort of dream- the one that eclipses all other hopes.

On the 13th of October, at 2:03pm I received a phone call from my brother saying that THE LETTER had arrived. 'Open it' I demanded. 'Dear Annabel, welcome to the school of...' he began. 'Please, please just say it, yes or no' I begged. The answer was yes. 

So here I sit drinking coffee, eating baci chocolate, absorbing the fact that next year I will be studying medicine in Perth. 

The dream in the making

I've wanted to be a doctor on and off for years. When I was five, my cousin and I would race up and down the corridor with my white pram full of 'critically wounded' toys. Screeching the makeshift ambulance to  a halt my bedroom became the hospital and my fireplace the operating theatre. We had an amazing time inventing and curing all sorts of obscure conditions.

Later I went to hospital myself and I was very scared. Hospitals smell. Hospitals are full of flashing lights and irritating beeps. Usually going to hospital means something unpleasant is about to take place. Mum said something, that at the time annoyed me greatly. 'Annabel, it's not that bad. Don't focus on the pain. This a chance to learn and see some fascinating things about the human body.' This idea rooted deeply in my mind and is a core reason why I love the idea of being a doctor. 

After years of dissecting a fish's eye at home and a cow's eye at school and studying family members' medical results my time came. My supervisor for one of my final OT pracs sent me off to watch several operations on the upper limb. The surgeon said his assistant doctor was busy and that I was to assist him. I laughed. He handed me a gown and taught me how to scrub up. Still thinking he was joking I played along, laughing. It was only when I found myself sitting opposite him holding the skin on the patient's hand apart, that I realised he wasn't joking. He then asked me to hammer in a new joint into the hand. I was in heaven, I was hooked, I was alive like never before, I had to become a doctor. 

Counting the cost

Needless to say the consequent study to pass the GAMSAT and interview paid off. PHEW!!!!

After a month of bliss, the whisper in my head has become a shout  ' count the cost'. To be honest I don't want to. I want to remain blindly ecstatic. It's no good though. Med costs a lot, and I am grieving. Hence here is my letter to all that has been.

Dear Has Been,

I love you. 

I love eating dinner with my family every night.

I love my pretty room full of novels and recipe books.

I love driving in the hills in Autumn.

I love spending hours playing speed and take two with Chel and Jo.

I love knitting and watching chick flicks with Ash while her kitten plays with my ball of yarn.

I love spending ages carefully selecting food at the bakery with Naomi.

I love discussing medical things with Mel.

I love going to Bracegirdles with my cousins. 

There are so many people I love and will miss just being with them.

Perhaps what I shall miss most is having time to just sit and be.

Oh and I'll miss sleep!

So thank you Has Been, for all that you are.

I hope that someday you'll visit Will Be.

Love Me.